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Here we go. Guaranteed to start a conversation... I'm bracing myself.
So. I've been going to BaGG for 1.7 years now. Give or take. In that time I have flirted, I have kissed, I have massaged, I have made friends.... and maybe a few enemies as us humans do...
I have sometimes hung out with people after hours. I have ONCE taken someone home.
Last night there were two people who needed a place to crash. I offered them my bed, and I would sleep on my massage table. They brought with them a yuppie newbie. I was willing to go along with this. Then 3:30 hit. I was tired. One of them was tired. It was clear that my bed and my massage table wasn't going to accommodate. We all slid into my bed and...
Suddenly one of them was making out with the newbie preppy . There was no foreshadowing of this in my presence. I requested that this not happen in my bed.
The woman in question (who apparently wanted to make out with the newbie preppie) flipped out and called me names, and left and said I was an ass, and proclaimed as she slammed my door, "When was the last time you got laid?" The answer to that question that I didn't get to give as the door was slammed was, "About the same time as the last time I cared about and respected the person involved."
For the public record, I never asked them to leave. Directly preceding the question about the last time I got lad was the statement, "I can't wait to tell all my girls how much of an ass you are. So this is why I was warned about you by all my friends."
Just to save them the trouble, I want to warn every one now myself. And thus I say...
When I offer to provide you a space it is not so that you can make out with some random guy. I don't care if you've been making out with him all night or not. If you want to make out with someone, then that should be part of the request for help, and I may or may not grant it. If I have offered you a space, do NOT take advantage of that space to pursue your own goals after the fact. I WILL call you on it. If I call you on it, and you choose to leave, that is your prerogative and NOT indicative of my worth as a human being.
You have all been warned.
Best,
Brian
So. I've been going to BaGG for 1.7 years now. Give or take. In that time I have flirted, I have kissed, I have massaged, I have made friends.... and maybe a few enemies as us humans do...
I have sometimes hung out with people after hours. I have ONCE taken someone home.
Last night there were two people who needed a place to crash. I offered them my bed, and I would sleep on my massage table. They brought with them a yuppie newbie. I was willing to go along with this. Then 3:30 hit. I was tired. One of them was tired. It was clear that my bed and my massage table wasn't going to accommodate. We all slid into my bed and...
Suddenly one of them was making out with the newbie preppy . There was no foreshadowing of this in my presence. I requested that this not happen in my bed.
The woman in question (who apparently wanted to make out with the newbie preppie) flipped out and called me names, and left and said I was an ass, and proclaimed as she slammed my door, "When was the last time you got laid?" The answer to that question that I didn't get to give as the door was slammed was, "About the same time as the last time I cared about and respected the person involved."
For the public record, I never asked them to leave. Directly preceding the question about the last time I got lad was the statement, "I can't wait to tell all my girls how much of an ass you are. So this is why I was warned about you by all my friends."
Just to save them the trouble, I want to warn every one now myself. And thus I say...
When I offer to provide you a space it is not so that you can make out with some random guy. I don't care if you've been making out with him all night or not. If you want to make out with someone, then that should be part of the request for help, and I may or may not grant it. If I have offered you a space, do NOT take advantage of that space to pursue your own goals after the fact. I WILL call you on it. If I call you on it, and you choose to leave, that is your prerogative and NOT indicative of my worth as a human being.
You have all been warned.
Best,
Brian
posted by:
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SoMa
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Re: Boudaries
Thu, September 4, 2008 - 4:37 AMThis post was supposed to be called, "Boundaries" I just wanted to correct myself before anyone else did. The "n" on my keyboard is not always the most responsive... -
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Re: Boudaries
Tue, September 9, 2008 - 8:36 PMYou made it clear what was and wasn't ok, and they stepped over the line. That's their decision to accept or reject. You were being a nice guy and offering them a place to crash, so they can fuck off and sleep in an alley somewhere if they give you shit and aren't respectful.
Seems pretty clear to me, really.
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Re: Boudaries
Tue, September 9, 2008 - 6:21 PM>> I offered them my bed, ... <<
Nice guys .... blah blah.
That was very decent of you. I'm not "that" decent with casual acquaintances (assumption). I would have given directions to the nearest hotel/motel. I've had friends stay over and have stayed over at my friends' place(s) and no disrespect like you described ever took place.
Unless negotiated and all were involved ;O) -
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Re: Boudaries
Tue, September 9, 2008 - 7:28 PMReasons to own an airbed for the living room.
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Re: Boudaries
Fri, September 12, 2008 - 12:50 AMAir mattresses make good boundaries. And funny squeaky noises to giggle about. -
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Re: Boudaries
Fri, September 12, 2008 - 1:41 AMRabbit ruined one of mine.
use your imagination.
--S
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Re: Boudaries
Tue, September 9, 2008 - 8:43 PMSeems to me the first clue, Brian, to the ilk from which these "two" come is the fact they brought along a "third" without passing it by you first. It was nice of you to let that breeze by and happen but it should have been a warning sign that more was in the wings for later on that night.
Chuck it up to experience, lesson learned, or whatever you want to call it but remember that rarely do people mean they "just want a place to crash for the night" when they ask if you have room for them to crash for the night. There's always a hidden agenda. -
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Re: Boudaries
Thu, September 11, 2008 - 4:36 PMBrian
sounds like you're running with a fast crowd ;-]
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Re: Boudaries
Sat, September 13, 2008 - 2:51 PMI don't expect this would ever be a problem for me....though it may be a problem for you if I find you have chocolate on the premesis.
That said, just because it's not there the next morning doesn't mean it had anything to do with me. -
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Re: Boudaries
Sun, September 14, 2008 - 1:06 PMHey gang, thanks! Sorry to have been so silient on this thread I started. I've been unexpectedly without internet access since tribe came up. :-( I posted because of the threat that was hurled on the way out the door that she was going to "warn people about me." I knew the situation could be twisted pretty easily into something else. After all, I offered them a place to crash and then "threw them out." but of course that's not the case. I never asked them to leave, just not to make out in my bed.
I had never intended for there to be hook ups at all, and I thought metioning me sleeping on my massage table made that pretty clear. Oh well. I'm completely over it, I just wanted to know what the peanut gallery thoughts were. Plus, this list has been slow! ;-) -
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Re: Boudaries
Sun, September 14, 2008 - 6:52 PMBrian, enough peeps know you and yes I am one of them. Do send anyone my way if they need a second opinion.
hugs
A
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